GABRIEL

Painting by Guido Vermeulen on the table where it was realized.

Poem by Amanda R. on the death of her 4 year old son.


First it was necessary to loosen gunk
from his eyes
so he might see again (that he was blind was no matter)
then came the peppermint-flavored mouth swabs
to moisten and freshen the
morning tongue

listen for the beep
of exhausted pediasure supply
whirring motor of enteral feeding pump
keeping my son alive

petroleum jelly on the cheeks
help to reduce the chafe
of precious woolly blanket

phenobarbital sits nestled in
whimsical viking lunchbox
against crusty plastic syringes
dose of relief to constant
seizures of the brain

one arm holds sinister stuffed black rat
the other hand is harnessed in a thumb splint
futile attempt to prevent
the skin from breaking down

sometimes he has a crazy striped stuffie
with mp3 attachment
that plays a constant rotation of Okkervil River
because that is what we like
him and I

blue eyes stare into my soul
no mallady can reduce
the intensity of such a gaze
I understand everything
and nothing
and all things in between

now I have an empty bed
stained with mucus and blood
and an empty soul
stained with tears and regret